


Left Behind

by Desparado



Series: April Song Challenge [18]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:13:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24198790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Desparado/pseuds/Desparado
Summary: It’s early on in your relationship with Bucky. He keeps going on missions and you start to feel left behind. After he doesn’t come home when he said he would, you make a heart-breaking decision that only he can rectify. But is it too late?April Writing Challenge Day 18 – Sweetest Goodbye (by Maroon 5)
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Series: April Song Challenge [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1740901
Kudos: 25





	Left Behind

**Author's Note:**

> I created myself a little writing challenge for April. The challenge is a new song each day (Thanks to shuffling my iTunes library) to inspire a fic of some kind. I’ll listen to the song a few times, and then plan like mad when the inspiration hits. 
> 
> Reader has female pronouns  
> **I spent 2 minutes trying to decide whether to use the word ‘joggers’ or ‘sweatpants’, don’t hate.
> 
> Warnings: Minimal swearing; Lots of angst with a happy ending; Bucky forgets what a precious fucking star you are (!); It also gets rather steamy at the end, not quite smut but yeah but don’t let Alexa read it out loud!

The sun streamed through the kitchen blinds as you washed up, the smell of fresh bread still lingered in the air. You smiled as you heard laughter coming from the dining table, looking over to see Clint and Nat being entertained by a dramatic story Tony was giving; from what you could hear, it was something to do with a charity gala that ended with a goat attack. You noticed Steve wasn’t there anymore- assuming he had gone to the bathroom- and carried on cleaning. After a few moments you heard a cloth slide off the counter and then a hand reached for a damp bowl as Steve began drying the dishes for you. “You don’t need to do anything I have it all covered!” You insisted but he merely smiled and carried on.  
“I know, but I wanted to help, you’re always so welcoming.” Returned a smile, you finished rinsing the suds from a large platter and left it out to drain before Steve took it. Emptying the water in silence, you then dried your hands on a cloth and leant against the sink to watch your friends as they laughed and joked. “It’s a shame he isn’t here.” Steve muttered. Sighing, you nodded your head slowly. He offered you a reassuring smile, “I know Bucky can’t wait to see you again.”  
“I wish I knew when that was,” You folded your arms across your chest, “He always seems to be an eternity away! Place unknown, condition unknown, return unknown-” Steve noted your voice started to crack and he placed the dishcloth down then put an arm around you, giving you a gentle hug. “Hey now don’t you worry, y/n. Him and Sam will be just fine, Sam gave you his word he’d drag the punk out of trouble didn’t he?” You chuckled slightly, remembering when Sam made his promise, which then caused him and Bucky to argue over who was the biggest idiot during missions. Giving Steve a little smile, he kissed your forehead then walked over to the table with you, just as Tony was starting a new story about the time he got Happy to wear Thor’s cloak and a blond wig. 

“How’s she doing?”  
“You want the truth, Buck?” There was a short silence.  
“Yes.” Bucky’s heart began to race when he heard Steve take a deep breath.  
“She misses you. A lot. She’s struggling with not knowing where you are and if you’ll ever come back.”  
“She knows I’ll come back-”  
“Yeah but Bucky,” A different voice on the phone this time, Nat’s. “You’d been official for 3 weeks before you went into overdrive on these missions- you haven’t had 2 weeks together since and she’s worried that you won’t come back to her.” Bucky was silent after he heard those words, why would you think that? Didn’t you know how smitten he was with you? Sam sighed in an ‘I-told-you-so’ tone which irritated him and he got up and moved towards the window. “I’ll be home soon, two days tops, then I’m coming straight to her.”

Work had become a welcome distraction to you as your psychological research was gaining footing at SHIELD. You’d been working with Bruce and Wanda to identify emotional connections between their powers, and how manipulation of those emotions would affect the intensity of them. Switching between the office and home, you had been working overtime and, although it was often overwhelming, it was better than being sat at home and waiting for something you didn’t even know was going to happen. Steve had reassured you that the boys would be back by Thursday but as the sun was setting on Friday, you were feeling down and not in the mood to speak to anyone. Over the weekend you turned your phone off and dreamt away the hours, trying hard to ignore the constant humming of rain at your window which seemed to taunt you. You would read, watch TV, clean surfaces, anything to forget the world of superheroes and disappointment.  
On Sunday came a faint knocking on your front door. It was barely audible, but you rushed out of bed and ran to the door, peaking through the hole. Then your body drooped when you realised it was Steve. Peeling yourself from the door, you walked away and slumped back into your bed. Another knock came, louder this time followed by a call of your name. But you just grabbed your pillow and placed it over your head, tears soaked into your mattress as you cried yourself to sleep.

You slowly stirred as the light appeared less intense outside. Turning to the side, you checked the time and groaned: 6:07pm. You dragged yourself out of bed and wandered over to the kitchen. Opening the fridge, you peered inside and groaned again: empty. You tried the cupboards and found nothing- take out is it then. Ambling to your dining table, you picked up your phone and switched it on, before putting it down to turn on the TV. After a few seconds it started buzzing like crazy and you felt a knot in your stomach at all the texts and missed calls you were getting. Nat and Steve had been texting and ringing you like crazy, even Tony had called you; but nothing from Bucky. Slowly going through the messages, you smiled at the kind words and invitations to meet up and do something, mostly from Nat. Then a text from Steve, which he seemed to have sent after he came to your door:  
‘Hey. Not sure if you heard but I came by earlier. I’m sorry that it’s been longer than 2 days. I’m gonna kick his ass when he gets back, if you don’t do it first! Please let me know you’re okay. S x’  
You sighed and considered what to reply with, settling for ‘I’m sorry too x’ before placing your phone down on the coffee table. He was missing his best friend just as much as you were and you had to remind yourself of that. You fell on to your sofa and curled up under a blanket. Opting for nature documentaries, you clicked on one about the wolves when your phone buzzed again. Another message from Steve: ‘Just heard, he’s back in 2 hours. S x’  
Your heart dropped and you could feel tears in your eyes. You hated feeling like this, you’d promised yourself you wouldn’t let someone break your heart again and yet here you were. Clenching your jaw, your text back: ‘I don’t care anymore’ and threw your phone onto the cushion next to you. 

After an hour, you hadn’t received another message from Steve and went to open your takeaway app. Picking your favourite meal, your ordered it for ASAP and then chose another documentary, this time about the arctic. By the time your programme ended, there was a knock at the door. You thought it strange as normally the delivery guy buzzes first but you assumed someone had let him in and you went over, not checking first. As you opened the door, your body went rigid and your eyes grew wide as you were greeted by a very messy looking Bucky. He was holding a takeaway bag in his hands as well as some flowers, with a nervous smile on his face. “Hey.” He spoke softly. You couldn’t bear to look him in the eye, instead you swung the door shut and leant against it, feeling the tears once again. You heard a faint shuffling and crinkling of wrapping, then felt the door move slightly. “Please, doll, can you let me in?” You stayed silent, feeling your heart painfully throw itself against your ribcage. “Y/n please, I’m sorry that I was away for so long, but if you let me in I can explain-” You pulled yourself off the door and yanked it open again, causing Bucky to lose balance a little as he must have been leaning on it too. “You don’t need to explain a fucking thing, James.” You stated bluntly. Bucky glanced over your frame and focused on your facial expressions as you spoke. “I was an idiot for thinking that this would work, that I could handle being alone and not knowing where you were or what was happening or if you were in trouble or dying,” You felt the tears streak down your face but you couldn’t care at this point. “It must be nice, knowing that you can disappear for days, weeks, and that when you come back, I’ll be here with outstretched arms and an open heart, like a fucking fool!” You were almost shouting now, fighting back the sobs so you could say your peace, all while Bucky stood silently listening. “How does it feel to know you never have to be alone when you come back? Huh? Because when you leave me behind, all I’m left with is nothing!” You completely lost it by this point. Bucky lunged forward and wrapped you in his arms with your last words, holding you still as you let it all out. This was months in the making and your emotions had finally flooded your system. You wanted to push him away- and almost went to- but you just didn’t feel strong enough. When the familiar scent of his cologne came through over the smell of dirt and violence, you relaxed your body against him and snaked your arms up and around his neck, bringing him into a tighter embrace. As your sobs lessened, Bucky began to stroke your hair gently and tilted his head so he could whisper in your ear, “I’m so sorry, for everything. I hate myself for making you feel like this and I wish I could take it all back.” He pulled away and cradled your face in his hands. “Every time I go, you are the one thing on my mind that keeps me going, that keeps me fighting: because I wanna make the world a safer place for you and all I can think about is how I wanna come back to you.” You stared at his lips as he spoke, taking in every word and praying it was truth. “I was so busy thinking about how I was feeling that I didn’t stop to think about you. You always give me the sweetest goodbyes and I never considered how it was hurting you; and for that I am truly sorry.” He placed a slow kiss on your forehead then one on each cheek before resting his head on yours. “Please let me make it up to you, y/n.” You nodded silently as he placed another kiss on your head. 

He pulled away and you watched him as he untied his muddy boots and placed them in the corner. Then he retrieved your takeout bag and flowers from the hall and nudged the door shut; walking over to your kitchen to place the bag on the counter and get a vase of water for the flowers. He turned and saw you still in the same place he left you and it broke his heart to see you look so small with your arms curled around yourself. He glanced around, taking note of the tissue box on the coffee table and the open cupboard doors showing nothing inside. Then he slowly walked up to you, realising he had left dirt marks on your clothes. You followed his gaze and looked down, seeing the marks on your sleeves and shoulder. “I’ll wash it later.” You muttered before looking back up at him, “I assume you’ll want a shower?” You saw his shoulders relax and he gave you a small nod. You told him to put his vest and holsters by his shoes and leave the rest in the laundry basket as you went to set up the shower for him.  
Grabbing his favourite shower gel and shampoo, you placed it all in the holder and turned on the music- jazz piano- before grabbing your largest towels. Just as you turned on the water, you noticed Bucky leaning against the doorframe in just his boxers. Although the sight didn’t surprise you anymore, it still hitched your breath as he smiled at you warmly. He moved away from the doorframe and came over to you, placing a hand under your chin and tilting your head as he brought his lips to yours. It was gentle and slow, your lips barely connecting which sent sparks through you. You pulled away and indicated for him to get in the shower as you left the bathroom and closed the door. 

You had scrubbed his boots and vest, leaving them by the window in the sun, and headed back into your bedroom to gather the clothes for the wash. You heard the bathroom door open as you took off your hoodie and added it to pile, then warm, damp hands were gently placed on your upper arms. Looking over your shoulder, you hummed as Bucky placed a kiss on your temple, your cheek, your jaw and then the top of your neck. You tilted your head without realising, allowing him more space. He stood right behind you and delicately placed one hand your waist and the other held your head as he planted more kisses along your neck, moving down and back up. As he reached your jaw, you turned your body and pressed your chest against him as you placed a hand in his wet hair and pulled him for a kiss. This time it was more passionate, almost needy. You didn’t realise how much you had missed his touch and now you demanded more. He was willing to provide it as he let you take charge, pushing him to the bed and nudging him so he sat down. He carefully pulled down your joggers and kissed the exposed skin as you took your vest off, revealing your bare chest. He tugged you onto his lap as he kissed your mouth, his hands appreciating all of your curves, the contrast of warm skin and cold metal almost made you shiver. After a few minutes he flipped you onto your back, making you squeal, as he covered your body with his. Smiling into the kiss, his fingers slowly trailed down your body and landed on your hips dipping under the hem of your underwear. “Can I show you how much I missed you?” He asked in between kisses. You nodded and held your breath as his lips left yours and he changed position to gently pull your underwear down. You arched your back slightly as he slowly pushed your knees away from each other and nestled between them, before devouring you like a starved man.

The sun had finally set as you lay in Bucky’s arms, the sheets barely covering you both and your breathing still laboured. Resting your head on his chest, you had been examining the fingers on Bucky’s metal hand- admiring the details, comparing them to your own hand- when a soft giggle rumbled in his chest. “Stop staring.” You scolded playfully, flicking your eyes up at him.  
“I can’t help it,” He replied, pulling you up closer to him, “My mother taught me to admire the beautiful things in life.” Then he kissed you gently on the lips. “Uhuh, do you say that to all the girls?” You teased between kisses. He pulled away and looked at you sincerely, his metal hand caressing your cheek, “Only one.” He whispered, causing you to smile. Just then you felt a pang of hunger.  
“Damn I’m starving now.” You admitted. Bucky rested his hand on his forehead and made a sound like he’s forgotten something,   
“Ah shoot- your food is probably cold now, I’m sorry doll.” You leaned on your elbow as you gazed at him,   
“Don’t worry about it, I’ll order more.”  
“No I will, my treat.” He said, letting go of you to look for his phone. He found it on the bedside table- where you placed it earlier- and scrolled through the app, ordering various items until you were both happy. Then he locked his phone and put it back before turning to you, “So,” he began, his fingers slowly creeping up your arm, “We’ve got about an hour until it arrives, got any ideas of what we can do until then?” You smiled mischievously at him as you wrapped an arm around his neck, “I can think of a few things.” You reply innocently before tugging him back down for a deep kiss.


End file.
